Before Life Gets Messy: The Estate Planning Steps Every Family Needs

A few days ago, I was cleaning out a drawer at home. One of those “how did all of this

end up here?” drawers. When I came across an old pocketknife my grandfather, "Pop-

pop", used to carry. Nothing fancy. No real “value.” But instantly, it took me back to

family adventures in Colorado (picture below circa '94), old WWII stories, and funny

sayings he must’ve told hundreds of times.

My favorite line, "glad you got to see me!". He would say this when saying goodbye, which always made me laugh. Now my son says this to be funny when leaving a friend’s house... and so the traditions pass on. And it reminded me of something I see over and over again in my work:

Estate planning isn’t just about money. It’s about meaning.

It’s about protecting the things that matter, the accounts, yes, but also the stories, the

heirlooms, the intentions and making sure they end up in the right place.

Most families don’t put this off because they don’t care. They put it off because life

moves fast, and estate planning feels like something future you will handle. But someday has a way of sneaking up on us. And I’ve seen firsthand the difference between families who prepare… and families who

scramble.

The good news?

You don’t need a 50-page binder or a perfect plan.

A few simple steps can save your loved one’s stress, conflict, and emotional strain in

one of the hardest moments of their lives.

Let’s walk through them in plain English.

1. Record a short video about meaningful items

This is one of my favorite things to recommend.

Have your parents, grandparents, or even you record a simple video walking through

sentimental items:

• Where it came from

• Why it matters

• Who you want to receive it someday and why

You’d be amazed how much family conflict this prevents.

When something has a story, the story becomes the inheritance.

And your kids or grandkids get a keepsake they’ll cherish.

2. Review your beneficiaries as these pass outside of probate

Your 401(k), IRA, Roth IRA, pension, TSP, and life insurance don’t go through your will.

They bypass probate completely and go directly to whoever is listed.

That means:

• Creditors cannot touch these assets through probate

• The beneficiary designation overrides your will

• One wrong name can completely reroute your entire plan

Which brings me to a real-world story…

3. One checkmark, a $1,000,000 mistake

I was working with a client a few years ago who had done almost everything right.

Trust? Set up. Power of Attorney? Completed. Life insurance? In place.

The husband owned a $1 million life insurance policy. The wife was the primary

beneficiary, exactly as it should be.

But the contingent beneficiary, the “what if something happens to both of us” option,

wasn’t the trust.

It was their nephew.

Why?

Because the nephew was also the trustee, and someone years earlier must’ve thought

that meant he should be listed everywhere the spouse was not.

Here’s the problem:

If the wife passed first…

And then the husband…

The nephew would have legally inherited the entire $1 million.

Not the kids.

Not the family trust.

Not divided according to their plan.

And because beneficiaries bypass probate, there would’ve been no way to correct it.

This is why beneficiary reviews matter more than people realize.

I can go on and on with stories like this, I’m sure you have heard and seen them too.

4. Understand that wills do not bypass probate

A will is important. It names guardians, communicates your wishes, and creates

direction.

But a will does not avoid probate.

Probate is:

• A court process

• Public to anyone who wants to see

• Potentially lengthy as the average probate takes 18mo to resolve

• Expensive as it can cost thousands and thousands of dollars to take care of

• Open to creditor claims

  
  

If avoiding probate is important, or if you want a more private and efficient transfer of

assets, that’s where a trust comes into play.

5. Add a Legacy Contact to your phone

A simple but overlooked step.

Adding a Legacy Contact on your iPhone or Android gives a trusted person access to

photos, messages, and digital history if something happens to you.

It takes 30 seconds and saves your family a mountain of stress later.

iPhone Users – Link to video Here

Android Users – Link to video Here

6. Give trusted people access to your safety deposit box

This one is big, and people rarely think about it.

If you store important documents, trust documents, wills, titles, deeds, gold coins or

collectibles in a safety deposit box, make sure a trusted person (spouse, child, or

executor,) has legal access.

Otherwise, the bank may seal the box at death.

And your family may not be able to open it without a court order… which they can’t get

without the documents that are inside the box.

It becomes a circular problem and I’ve seen it firsthand.

Give access now so your family doesn’t get stuck in a bureaucratic loop later.

7. Share healthcare powers of attorney… don’t hide them in a safe

This is one of the biggest mistakes people make.

You should give your healthcare power of attorney forms to:

• A trusted family member

• Your designated healthcare agent

• Your attorney

• Your wealth advisor (often us)

• Anyone who may need to act quickly in a medical emergency

You do not want these locked in a safe at home, tucked in a file cabinet, or hidden in a

safety deposit box where no one can reach them.

These documents matter most when time is short.

If no one can find them, they don’t exist.

8. Have a family meeting to reduce future conflict

Money and sentimental items can bring out strong emotions for even the closest

families.

I’ve seen siblings fight fiercely over a $200 chair because “Mom always said I’d get this

someday.”

And I’ve seen families torn apart over misunderstandings that could’ve been solved with

one conversation.

Here’s the solution:

Have a family meeting now.

Walk through:

• What items matter most

• Who will receive what

• How money and property will be split

• The “why” behind your decisions

This sets expectations while you’re alive and able to explain your intentions.

And it dramatically reduces conflict later.

It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give your loved ones, no ambiguity.

9. Tell people where everything is

Your estate plan isn’t finished until the right people know:

• Where your documents are

• Password locations

• How to access them

• Who to call

• What to do first

  
  

If no one knows where your estate plan is, you don’t actually have one.

10. “It’s better to give with warm hands, than with cold ones”

When my wife and I first set up our estate planning after our son was born we had some

items, old baseball cards and memorabilia of a hometown player I use to collet as a kid.

I realized those items would be better suited given to his kids and family so they could

enjoy today vs waiting for me to die (hopefully years from now).

Our attorney told me, “It’s better to give with warm hands, than with cold ones”, and that

stuck with me.

Often old China, jewelry gone out of style, and photographs that sit in storage collecting

dust can be passed down to the next generation with a story and sense of purpose.

We see the same with wealthy families giving cash, paying for vacations, or helping with

a down payment on a first home to their kids or grandkids in their 20’s and 30’s. It often

does not break the bank for the giver but goes a long way to the recipient.

The Bottom Line

Estate planning isn’t about expecting something bad to happen.

It’s about caring enough to make things easier when life happens.

It’s clarity.

It’s direction.

It’s peace of mind both for you and for the people who will carry your story forward.

If you found this helpful, please share with the people you love: parents, siblings, next of

kin, even your coworkers. The more people know estate planning is not super

complicated or just for the rich, the easier it will be for them or their loved ones down the

road.

As always, we’re here for you and your wealth management journey. Enjoy the rest of

the week and happy holidays!

Picture

• My grandfater "pop-pop", brother Lee, and I