Ten Lessons from Ten Years of Marriage

My wife and I just celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary earlier this month. Ten

years of building a life together, growing as individuals, raising kids, and learning (often

the hard way) what not to do in a partnership.

As I reflect on this milestone, I wanted to share ten lessons that have shaped me, many

of which have influenced how I approach life, family, health, and even my work with

clients today.

1. Extreme Ownership

Marriage has taught me that pointing fingers doesn’t solve problems. When I take

ownership for my role whether it’s my tone in an argument, a flighty decision, or even

just in the daily rhythms of life it’s better to take ownership than to point the finger.

2. Pause Before You Speak

In the early years, I was quick to jump in and interrupt. Now, I’ve learned to pause, listen

fully, and let my wife’s words land before I respond. Most of the time, what she needs

isn’t a solution it’s to feel heard and listened to.

3. Fitness with Purpose

In my twenties, I worked out to look good (never quite accomplishing that though, haha).

Today, I train for longevity. I want to be strong, healthy, and present not just for myself,

but for our kids. Fitness has shifted from vanity to legacy and I have found having an

event like a 5K, 10K trail run, or an upcoming triathlon holds me accountable to myself

and family.

4. Keep Dating Your Spouse

The wedding isn’t the finish line; it’s the starting point. Ten years in, we’ve learned the

importance of scheduling date nights, planning getaways, and treating each other with

the same intentionality we did all those years ago.

5. Experiences Outlast Things

The cars, the electronics, the clothes all fade. But the trips we’ve taken, the memories

we’ve created, and the adventures we’ve shared together will be with us for a lifetime.

See photos from our recent trip to Whidbey Island with just the two of us. Amazing place

if you’ve never been!

6. Popsicles and Poopsicles

Every evening when we sit down for dinner as a family we share what our popsicle was

for the day (best moment or event). Most of the time Jude answers playing on the playground at school, Marie still trying to understand the concept as a two year old,

answers pink, and Morgan and I typically share a great conversation at work or family

time together. The flipside is talking about our poopsicles, it lets us share the mistakes

of the day, what we wish could have gone better and even more so how we learned

from that event or experience.

7. Shared Goals Matter

It’s not just about my goals or hers, it’s about creating a vision we’re both excited about

and being on the same page. Whether it’s financial, family, or faith-driven, our shared

goals give marriage direction and momentum we are both striving for. It makes us

continuous of what to say yes or no to, to make sure that activity aligns with our goals to

keep us on the right track.

8. Embrace Change Together

We’re not the same people we were ten years ago. And that’s a good thing. Marriage

has taught me to not only accept change, but to lean into it together. Growth is

inevitable, but growing together is a choice and its one we both choose every day to

change together.

9. Humor Heals

Life throws plenty of curveballs. Being able to laugh, especially at myself, sometimes

multiple times a day, has gotten us through more challenges than I can count. Humor

diffuses tension and keeps marriage light even when life feels heavy.

10. Love Is a Verb

Love is in the daily actions of making Morgan a cup of coffee, putting a dry towel on the

towel rack after I take a shower so a dry one is ready for her, forgiving quickly, and

showing up even when you’re tired or frustrated. Love is not just a feeling or my last

name. Its the small things done consistently make the biggest difference over ten

years… and God willing, another ten more.

Looking back, I realize these lessons aren’t just about marriage, they apply to how I

parent, how I serve clients and friends, and how I live my life daily. Ten years in, I’m

grateful for a partner who continues to challenge me, inspires me, and make me better.

And I look forward to the next ten with an even deeper sense of love and commitment.

Here’s to building lives worth remembering, both at home and in the work we do

together. Cheers!